uneulogized | IC Contact.

I'm taking Hiro on a field trip.

( and no, she's not forming this as a question. )

[Yeah, he catches that.]

Wow, the best part is you framed that in the best way to piss me off. Don't you fucking dare.

( huffs out a bit of a sigh; she really wasn't looking for a fight, she just. also didn't want him to say no. )

Jason, I'm not taking him anywhere dangerous.

I'm going back to school, which is near Redgate. I thought he could sit in on classes with me? And then go to the coffee place nearby after. Maybe go to Redgate's library, if he wanted.

No friend-making, I promise. Just us.

Hiro hasn't been able to sit tight for a month. A month. That's all I ask, and last time I told him to sit down, he took off for Mair the next day.

He isn't going to The Barrell. He's staying at Caer Scima. That's final.

Jason he's a teenager and while the rest of us are off risking our lives and doing incredibly stupid things like fighting wars and investigating Cults and being recruited to mercenary groups, he's trying to do right by you.

I know you're trying to protect him, but all this is going to do is make him miserable, and that's so unfair in this place. We're already facing a war every day, and now you're grounding him.

I'm just asking for a day for something normal for both of us. This isn't just about him, Jason. It's me, too. I just helped the Red Hand torture someone until my magic couldn't bring them back to life anymore. I need my friends right now, and most of them don't have time for 'normal', or they don't want it.

Hiro needs it, and so do I. I'm just- ( a catch in her breath and she clears her throat; she's not doing this. ) Please.

Then go off with Bellamy.

Last year, I found him wandering between spire three and spire ten. The latter was his endgame, and he walked into a tavern full of criminal natives waiting to take a bite out of someone's shard. Had I not been there, what do you think would've happened to him? When I asked him to sit tight, work on R&D, and stay in the Dorchadas, he waited barely a month before he started communing with his Seelie boyfriend. [Jason doesn't know how much she knows about this, but it's high time for her to realize it.]

The only reason he's alive is me, Nico, and Loki. And every time I turn around, he's trying to find something else to do. Do you think he should be here? Because every time I look at him, I see someone who can't even figure out what it means to fight for our cause.

If he's working to live up to my expectations, it's because he screwed up that badly. He made me feel as if my help to him was a waste of time, like I was only convenient until someone better came along.

I'm being hard on him because this is a pattern.

Edited 2015-05-30 03:12 (UTC)

Bellamy's sister came in with the new arrivals yesterday. I'm trying to give them space so they can catch up and be a family, so I'm trying to do the same.

( she doesn't have her actual family here, and she's thankful that they're home and some manner of safe, but it makes her rely even heavier on the one she found here. )

I'm not trying to say that you aren't right, you know. I get why you're doing this -- if 'grounding' kids was a thing I could have done back home, you're damn right I would have in some cases. But it's part of... being a leader, and a stand-in parent in some cases; it's being angry at the kids you're looking after, because they're going to make stupid choices. A lot. The same ones, sometimes.

You can be disappointed in him, and you can teach him lessons, but you need to find the median between punishing him and stifling him. How is he ever going to figure out his way around this world, and find the things he wants to protect, outside of you, if he's banned to the castle?

I'm not trying to tell you that you can't or shouldn't punish him for making dumb mistakes, or for screwing up. I'm just asking that for one day you can give him a break and do me a favour.

Clarke, you're pulling the same thing he did—and it was after he set out and spent a year doing it anyway. He blamed me for his mistakes, saying that he couldn't learn from them if I didn't let him run free. But he already was. He'd been running around the Drabwurld for the better part of the year. He did this on his own, saying that I was trying to keep him from making mistakes. This was March. I walked in on him with a Seelie. What if it had been someone else? After that, he went up to Morla, and she threatened to take his life. I told him what the consequences of his actions would be before that, and he did it anyway.

[He breathes out, agitated.]

If this was a matter of "stifling" him, I'd agree. But he's taken everything I've told him, everything Loki's told him, and used it to justify his actions. I'm stifling him because it's a last resort, not the first resort. Do you think I want to do this? Do you think I wanna be reminded that Hiro running to see his Seelie friend is why I couldn't be there for Ariadne? But it is what it is.

I'm not gonna relent until it looks like he learns the right answers, and not "Jason won't let me go anywhere." He doesn't have the skills to survive, and he refuses to learn them. Using people to keep him alive, like he's about to use you? It has to stop.

Edited 2015-05-30 05:08 (UTC)

Okay.

( there's defeat in her voice, resignation; she doesn't want to push it any further than she has. the last two weeks have been hard enough without turning things with Jason sour, too. )

I'll leave him to you, then.

And next time I tell Hiro no first? Don't come and try to change my mind. [Because he sadly assumes that's a big part of this conversation. He hasn't pointed it out yet. He hasn't even pointed out that he's afraid of what Clarke will make of Hiro's involvement with the Seelie. He just assumes she knows, especially if she knows to come to him. But he's relieved that he doesn't have to dig that particular knife in.

It's been a rough month.]

Don't misunderstand me talking to you about this. I understood why you wouldn't let him come to the Station to my office, it risks being around the Seelie, even if it is in Dorchadas. I get that.

I wanted to take him to the university because it's right by Redgate, which is under Unseelie control. And that person you mentioned, Loki? One of the professors. Out of anywhere that would be safe, where he wouldn't need protection, I thought that the university would be it.

I was trying to be considerate of the court boundaries, since I thought that was where the problem was. I'm not an idiot, Jason. Being close to the Seelie would get me killed after what happened at the Citadel, and I'd never put Hiro in danger like that.

Edited 2015-05-30 05:39 (UTC)

[He rubs at his face and takes a moment to respond.]

Then ask next time. What it seemed to me is that you knew I wasn't gonna be happy with it, so you tried to cut corners from the start. I'm not a tight ass, Clarke. [Not ... usually. Hiro is a special case. The courts are a special case. But normally, he's a mocking, arrogant man with a lot of passion and anger. A lot of those things, really.] I don't want to screw him over, but I want him to actually think instead of looking for loop holes. Being clever is good. But it's like he doesn't know how to fucking use his cunning the right way.

Well, I did figure you weren't going to be happy with it. ( her voice is a touch lighter now, at least. ) I kind of wanted to get it over with as soon as possible.

( she exhales slowly, dragging a hand through her hair. this entire conversation has turned into something far bigger than she had actually expected. )

To be fair, I didn't know how to be cunning at that age, either. But I know you care about him, and I know you want him to learn and be safe. I want that, too. When he went missing on his excursion, I didn't- I had no idea where he was or who he was with, and I was worried, but he still came back. I guess that's all I can focus on when it comes to the people I care about -- as long as they come back.

I won't take him to the university if you don't want me to, but I'd like to be able to get away from court things for a day and do something normal with a friend.

-- and just so you don't think he went behind your back and asked me to do this, he didn't. He was really respectful about not being able to come see my office. Going to Redgate was my idea.

I'm not completely unreasonable. [Only mostly unreasonable.]

You can take him. Ask me next time, and be clear up front.

Have I ever told you that you're the best? Because you are.

( she's- far brighter now, smile coming across clear in her voice and she isn't even teasing in telling him he's the best. )

I'll ask next time, promise. And you better come with me at some point, too. We need to do something that isn't training or fighting.

I'm probably gonna be a bit busy fighting and killing for the next month. Don't pencil me in for college quads anytime soon. [He says it so lightly, it's hard to tell if he means it.

(But it's Jason. He probably does.)]

Ugh, fine. But take a break from that and take me to coffee some time, would you? Killing people constantly is brutal on your social life.

( this- this is far better, far easier, and she's glad to slide back into this with him. )

Haven't you noticed, Clarke? I don't make all that many social calls.

[He would shrug here in a casual way, but it's voice.]

I'll be all right.

Which is why you'll continue to be the best and make an exception for me, right? That's really nice of you, Jason.

( still, there's a small edge of seriousness in her voice following that. )

Just be careful, okay? Coming back doesn't only apply to Hiro. It means you, too.

Like I told Hiro the other day, I'm not going anywhere. [It's as simple as that.]

Good. You better not.

( and, finally- )

Thanks for this.

Don't make it a thing, all right? Just do me a favor and try not to give him too many motivational speeches about how he's really worth something. You'd think that's a good thing, but those really amp up his ego. [They're the ones that Loki ended up having to stop doing after a while.]

Strictly boring school and book stuff, don't worry. Motivational speeches are actually more Bellamy's thing, anyway. He's the one you need to look out for with that.

I'm just going to make him take my notes for me and quiz me for finals. ( she's joking. mostly. )

Nah, Hiro's the kind of jackass who'll wonder why you need notes. The annoying genius kid.

Now if only he'd apply that genius to his common sense.

We'll leave in the morning; I'll make sure to let you know when I get him back to the castle.

Edited 2015-05-30 06:41 (UTC)

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